Once I lost the idea of God as a large old Man in the sky it led me down a rabbit trail….

If God isn’t a old man, or woman, God is probably more than a genderless humanoid being. If God is more than a humanoid being, is he any type of physical being at all? And if he’s beyond a physical being, then how am I supposed to have a “relationship” with a mystical force?

When God was an old man in the sky it was easier to talk to him since he had ears, it was easier to hear him because he had a voice to speak, it was easier to pray to him when I thought there was a person on the other line listening. It was easier to feel God’s love because I’ve only been loved by physical beings before.

Is God 1 singular (in 3 persons) force of some kind, that we should direct love and worship, etc, or is God just another name for the love and kindness that we show toward our neighbor? And if it’s the latter, would that mean I just became an atheist?

This got long and rambly. It’s so hard to even form my swirl of confusion into a coherent question.

Thank you for all your work. Not sure where I’d be without it.